Stillborn

There is a place where those unknown
Must rest in repose with worries gone
No angst, no hate, no touch, no taste

Dead to the world

Older brother says, "Why dad?"
I do not know
I know, although, that God is good
Soon I would find I did not know

That knowledge only does not suffice
On this side of the womb




For our stillborn child between A and AG

Jacob

The old man guided his hand

As they gently began to sand the table

They had just made together

The first of many more to come

The boy, a young man of twelve

Was hungry to try his hand at the art

His father taught him since he could remember

The wood was canvas

Jacob would say, do the right thing son

What is that right thing father?

Believe our Father and obey

But don't you think that to obey

Will get you to him on that day

Wood came in and wood went out

Rough at first and refined no doubt

As the boy grew he learned

That via wood the world would learn

Of the Messiah

This process shaped the way the boy

Thought

His father, always reminding him

Believe our Father and obey

But don't you think that to obey

Will get you to him on that day

Many years and planks of wood went by

The old man would cry

From time to time because

His hands would not work like they had

The young man had grown to be a man

He found a wife according to his father's plan

She was almost like the driven snow

Many more years went by

His son was gone

We don't know why

But the old man was still alive and old

And in the crowd when they were told

That the King of the Jews would hang
On a cross

That day

His son's wife buried her face

In the arms of her father-in-law

With tears that flowed
He gently whispered in her ear

Words she had heard year after year

Believe our Father and obey

But don't you think that to obey

Will get you to him on that day

Years went by
People died
Yet still the old man lived
Though he out lived the mother and his son
He knew there was only One
Who promised and could keep
The covenant He came to speak
And live

Whom have you believed?

He came to town with thankful heart
The truth he knew to impart to those he could
There were not many there under his care
But with those that were he poured out his life
He and his wife

They served together long and hard
Hours when they wished they could shower and sleep
Yet there was work to be done

The young folk, that is who they served
Some weary
Some full of joy
Some rebels
Some punks

To all he sowed the same truth

this is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that god is light, and in him is no darkness at all

if we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth

but if we walk in the light, as he is the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of jesus his son cleanses us from all sin

Some listened
Some didn't

Yet still he worked, hard, hand to the plow

He had to deal with these young folk the best he knew how

Time passed and seasons changed
To webb he went
Things were not the same
For a long time

Then back he came
And reigned
As prophet, priest and king
All these offices he held and held them well
But the most precious of all was priest

Prophet, oh he was the best
King, he was the godliest
Priest, he far excelled

He stood between this poor boy
And God's wrath
Pleading for my godliness
Yet in a way I never heard before
Believe in Him, he said, there is no more
No riches, treasure or reward
Could be greater than what He is
Trust Jesus and live in Him

Years went by
Some good
Some bad
And at the end there were few things
To be had by the poor boy

The gospel he had heard was one
From his teacher faithful
But he knew none
Of that gospel in an intimate way
Until on the road at lake charles that day

He stopped and thought
About what he had bought
With his actions in his life

With gun in mouth, trying to get out
From under the deeds he had done
He thought

He recounted all he had lost
And then he began to count the cost
To follow Christ

He knew if he chose to die was death
Not for sure eternal death
Because He never tells us that
For suicide, horrible as it is
Does not necessarily condemn
But to live he would have to die
To himself and live to Christ
He knew if he chose to take the gun
Out of his mouth and live
He had to die and not lie

The next long while he counted the cost
To come to Christ and live and live forever

Life it was he chose
Not because he didn't pull the trigger
But because the Spirit came
And showed him something bigger
True Life came
Jesus is his name
And now this poor boy believes the same

As the one who delivered
This simple truth

"I know not what of good or ill
May be reserved for me,
Of weary ways or golden days,
Before His face I see."

This is the end of my tribute to
One of the godliest men i ever knew

What would I say to my daddy?

It was cold that day
He was out in the field trying to pray
Watching over his father's flocks

Eventually, as the sun began to rise
His brothers came to his side
Having had a big breakfast from his mother

Her name was "the weary one"
But he had heard the story many times before
His daddy was the one that got weary
As he worked and waited for her daddy
To give her hand to him

The old man came out on the hill and waved
He looked up at his daddy and was filled with pride
Waved back

They went to move the flocks
To lower lands
Where there was some water

He sensed a trouble in the crowd
It was not loud at all
His brothers were angry and ready to kill

Is it me they wish to kill? I am the firstborn

They went down to get water
Found some
Tossed little brother who they hated

He came down the hill
And was thrilled to find that he was not the one
They wanted to kill
It was his little brother

He was devoured by a cistern
They were trying to discern how they should kill him
When Reuben looked and said
"Hey, we don't have to make him dead!"
He convinced his brothers to save Joseph alive
And therefore provide
A way ahead

Years later when his daddy was dying
Reuben and his brothers knelt, crying

Irony of ironies
Jacob said
The inheritance is not yours Reuben, it is Joseph's

Reuben replies
Daddy, I will not lie

Devoured

He got down on his knees as he normally did
Making petitions
This day was different though

As he prayed God's blessing down to man
Men came to slap him with open hand
Bound him and drug him off in hot sand

Through the streets
People jeered
Some cheered
Some spat
Some kicked
Some sick

His brothers hated him
Put him in a pit and abated him
Would have took off and left him for dead
But for the cursed son of the weary one

He came to a city with a marketplace that day
Looking for a place she might stay
Sure enough he found her
Not where he had hoped
She was on a rope
Next to be auctioned
Off as a slave

These three
Daniel, Joseph and Reuben, and Hosea, you see
Are all alike in the Lord to me
And not just those but a host of others
Let us fight to be careful how we judge one another

All these three stories you see
Point to The
Jesus Christ is He

Jesus (Joshua) Saves Alive – Joshua 6:25 and Luke 18 and 19

Rahab the whore knew not what was coming that night
The dawn, with new light, would bring something she had never seen
Walls would fall down
People around would cry, crushed under the load
Of stones like sin, hard and cold
“Yet you have preserved me Lord?”

He walks into town to see
The place

The place where, one thousand years ago, was Rahab the whore

Could it be?
That the Lord God of Eternity, could love a man like me?

There was a great crowd gathered that day
There were murmurs… “have you heard about this man?”
Every eye was on him
He told the man, a rich young ruler, to get down

He got down
Took him to his house
Blessed him
But he is just beginning to learn what blessing is about

He gladly gave all that he had
To bless all that are glad
Rahab and Zaccheus are old and new examples
Just how sinners get samples
Of the great grace that is so ample
Jesus saves alive

Praying to the Lord from the belly of the fish...

Last Thursday I went to the hospital with chest pain and extreme difficulty breathing.  I thought I was having a heart attack.  Within 45 minutes of arriving at the hospital I was lying at the mouth of a CT scan machine convulsing, trying desperately to get some oxygen into my lungs.  As the motorized platform I was lying on started to move into the mouth of the CT machine I found myself crying out to God in my mind for help.  I did not think I was going to be able to remain conscious much longer.  As I called out for God to help me, looking at the big hole in the machine I was moving into I was reminded of the story of Jonah and how he was swallowed by the big fish.  God answered my cry for help by reminding me of a Vacation Bible School (VBS) story.  He brought me peace and comfort in that moment (and many since) through his word he has sown in my heart.  Surely Jonah must have been more terrified than I was in my circumstance when he was swallowed by the fish!  And yet, with all his imperfections, from the belly of the fish Jonah cried out with thanksgiving, "Salvation belongs to the Lord!"  A tidal wave of God's promises connected with Jonah's story washed over me in that moment and wrought peace, hope and love in my heart/mind.

God chose to show me great mercy and grace by saving this temporal body to live some more days on this earth.

I have had a few days to reflect on all this and I am still astounded by the Father's great lovingkindness to and for me.  The folks at my new job have been unbelievable - genuine compassion and great care from the day I went to the hospital til now.  The staff at the hospital - from the ER to the folks that cleaned my room - were so gracious and good.  My precious wife was nothing less than the very essence of self-sacrifice (Jesus) to me through the whole ordeal.


- my oldest just encouraged me to blog and I found some old ones I hadn't posted... here's one...

A big day

Wow. It's been a while (since my last blog). I woke up at 3:00am this morning and couldn't go back to sleep. Maybe it's just an old-person thing, or maybe it was the Chinese takeout from last night. Or maybe it's that I'm excited and apprehensive about this upcoming day. My oldest son turned 16 this weekend and today I'm taking him to test for his drivers license. I guess that is at least one source of the excitment I feel. I am excited and so proud that this new season in his life is opening up to and for him (and me!). I have no doubt that he will pass. And if he doesn't today, he will soon, d.v. My apprehension doesn't have to do with that at all. My apprehension has to do with my meditations as I lay there the last hour and a half. Where has the time gone? Why has it gone so fast? Why haven't I invested more of it in him? Have I prepared him well for this next season in his life? What could I have done better, that I can improve upon with the next two kids as they grow? How can I help him best now? How do I learn to begin the process of sending him out from under my fatherly covering and encouraging him to be his own man? I have failed and continue to fail so miserably in all these areas where I have apprehension. But all my apprehension disappears when I run back to Jesus and all God's promises in him - for they are YES. As I laid there this morning meditating on all this, the following story came to mind from John 21... Just as day was breaking, Jesus stood on the shore; yet the disciples did not know that it was Jesus. Jesus said to them, “Children, do you have any fish?” They answered him, “No.” He said to them, “Cast the net on the right side of the boat, and you will find some.” So they cast it, and now they were not able to haul it in, because of the quantity of fish. That disciple whom Jesus loved therefore said to Peter, “It is the Lord!” When Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he put on his outer garment, for he was stripped for work, and threw himself into the sea. Thank you Lord Jesus for being kind to me and gentle with me like you were with Peter that morning. Please Lord, continue to surround me and my children with folks that point out that it is you that is right there in front of us, and please give me and give my children hearts that run after you like Peter when we see you.